The dynamics of our family systems often lie beyond our awareness, yet their effect on our lives is profound. Describing how to unravel the ties that bind us to past fates is difficult for most FC facilitators, so when we received this report from a person whose constellation we had facilitated, we obtained her permission to reproduce it here.

About a year ago, a friend took me to a demonstration.  She couldn’t describe it to me beforehand—it’s one of those “you gotta be there” things, she said—but I was always looking for help, so I went.

I used to be a fairly adventurous traveler, but following a trauma, I developed agoraphobia.  The result was daily panic attacks, a constant feeling of doom. Every day for six years before this family constellation and,  in spite of going through various therapies, I had to force myself out of bed, sometimes not even able to leave my bedroom.  Every time I left the house it took at least an hour to convince myself to go.  Every single time, I left with great fear.

Looking around the circle of people who had shown up for this event, I saw a few people who had a look of disbelief as if they were already ticked off at the person who had brought them; there were others like me who were excited to see what this was about; and then there were a couple of people who had been there before --they had the knowing look that something magical was about to happen.

When the facilitators asked for a volunteer, I was picked.  The history I gave was short: Agoraphobic for six years; it had started with a trauma; my sister, mother, and grandmother had also experienced panic attacks;  and I had Jewish ancestors in the progroms, the Russian equivalent of the German holocaust.

The facilitators told me that the space in the middle of our circle of chairs was a field that we had set up with our intentions.  I was to choose representatives for members of my family and place them in the circle where I felt they belonged. Then I sat down to watch.

We all could feel the tension and discomfort among the representatives until the facilitators began to move each of them to new positions and occasionally have one say something to another.  One surprising event was when the woman representing my mother complained that her shoes felt too tight—describing  something akin to the foot problems that my mother used to complain of.  If this wasn’t enough, the woman representing my great grandmother wanted to fall forward –in exactly the fainting movement that Granny was famous for.

After a half hour of watching the representatives show characteristics of my family members, as if out of thin air, I started to be convinced that this wasn’t just some good guesses.   Everyone else seemed convinced, too.

Then Mary and Lynn brought in the big guns.  They asked one new person to represent all of my forgotten ancestors who had died in the progroms.  On seeing this person, my representative fell to the floor crying.  Later when she stood and joined the family, the tension in the whole circle relaxed.

And this is the funny thing: I left the event feeling no different, believing nothing more than a trick  had been performed.  But the next morning I jumped out of bed, not even realizing that this was very out of character for the person I‘d been for the last six years.  I got dressed, left the house, went alone to a coffee shop, completely forgetting that I hadn’t done that for six years.  SIX YEARS!  It wasn’t until the day was done that I noticed the gains that I had made.  I have been able to get out of bed every day with no fear since that Constellation.  I have been able to leave my house without any hesitation.  I am not yet totally cured, but my quality of life is so significantly improved that I would give everything I owned over and over again to Lynn and Mary for releasing me from that prison.

Suzi Levy

This is, of course, just one example of how perspective is obtained in a Constellation. While Family Constellations often lead to a healing resolution, they always leave the participants with a deep respect for the process, which is inspiring, informative, and, as Suzi says,“magical.”

Mary Lansing, LMFT and Lynn Reer, Ph.D.