Group Therapy

My Group Therapy Experience
Even though I knew this was going to be my last week in group therapy, I realized that part of me wanted to ask Mary, “Is it okay to leave?”  I wanted her to pat me on the head and say, “yes it’s okay.  You’re done now, you can leave.”  When I finally figured out that I didn’t need her to tell me it was okay, I began to decide things for myself, on my own.

I have spent most of my life needing someone else to tell me how to do things.  I was constantly having to get outside affirmation.  Mary told me one time, “If you stop and think about it awhile, you’ll figure out how to do it yourself,” after which she refused to tell me how to do things.

One thing, I kept bouncing checks.  And I kept insisting that I didn’t want anyone to take care of me.  Of course my husband would have to step in and fix that for me (us).  So I was getting taken care of even though I kept pushing that away.  It seems my Adult said, “I know how to do this myself”, while my Child kept playing Helpless.  When I put that together, I started thinking for  myself!  I stopped bouncing checks and started asking my husband to take care of me in more appropriate ways.

I always had a big problem with the facade I had built up, the personality I showed to others.  It was like an image, that it wasn’t me at all.  I didn’t like talking to people beyond a certain point, because I was sure they’d see right through me and find out there wasn’t much there.

I never learned how to talk about problems while growing up.  I would smile and pretend everything was fine and wonderful.  It’s taken me some time, but now I can discuss problems as they arise. I don’t need to ask others what’s right or wrong to do.   I don’t have to be passive aggressive, I don’t have to pretend everything is okay while at the same time I do helpless things.  It’s getting more okay with me if people see who I really am.  In fact, I’m beginning to enjoy talking to people.

(P.S.  I have taken responsibility for the family checkbook now!)

This piece was edited from an interview with a former client.

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